Game: The Secret Island of Dr. Quandary

Year: 1992

Publisher: MECC

I used to play this game in elementary school when we had computer class, and I never finished it. I found it on my external hard drive while I was searching for my next game to review and couldn’t pass it up. It’s not abandonware, as it’s still being sold to schools and other “learning centers”, but it’s an old enough DOS game and it was time for me to face my equal, my nemesis, that bastard Dr. Quandary and that one stupid puzzle with the fly and bird that I just could not figure out when I was 12.

Now the premise of this game, for those who have not had the pleasure of playing the game previously, is you are in a carnival and are drawn to this one booth and the man calling you to it.

It's FREE - That's how these scams start!

Dr. Quandary challenges you to his “Troggle Shoot” game. It’s FREE - how could you not?! If you hit enough of the target Troggles you win a doll, I mean “Lifelike Action Figure”. The 3 dolls that you can choose from are appropriately named “B. Ginner”, “O.D. Nary” and “D. Feecult”. And when I said “win a doll” before, I actually meant “become the doll” and you are transported to The Secret Island of Dr. Quandary, (see what I did there?), and have to solve puzzles to escape.

The puzzles aren’t extremely difficult but are kinda annoying and repetitive. They range from “rebuilding” candles, a door or a boat from triangles and other shapes, to jumping up and knocking music

I HATE THIS PUZZLE SO I RAPED IT

notes into a pattern on a staff to the puzzle that would always give me issues - the puzzle to retrieve the frog eggs. I hate this puzzle so much, that I would literally want to smash the computer to bits with my little pre-teen fists. But I’m older now, wiser - so I took my time. Essentially you have to pick up a rock, and hit the fly. Hurl the fly at the frog’s mouth to open up the gate. Then hurl a piece of popcorn at the pterodactyl, (apparently still living a la Jurassic Park on Dr. Quandary’s Island), run where the gate used to black off and gather up the frog eggs. Oh, and there’s wind to deal with too. I was so pleased when I totally rocked it that I actually just raised my now 20-something fists in the air and did a quiet “yesssss” to myself.

Who Is The Idiot Here?

Most of the game is just meandering around the island figuring out puzzles, gathering the items that you need for the potion to make you human again, and meeting the people that are on the island. Guess it’s not all THAT secret! And then I came across this hot

Well, HELLO PRETTY LADY

tranny mess right before I had to do the music note puzzle. and then when I passed her anytime after that she made reference to the “beautiful music we made together” - can’t say I blame her. I know I’m awesome. (Cue another silent “yesssss” on my end.)

I started with the B. Ginner doll just to get reacquainted with the game, but easily beat that and the O.D. Nary. The game tries to be tricky with the items that you need to gather to make the potion by changing up the names. A “bucket of water” on the B. Ginner becomes “bilge water” on O.D. Nary. Tricky-tricky Dr. Q - but I caught onto that fast.

All in all, I destroyed all the puzzles and escaped Dr. Quandary and closed a chapter of my childhood.

Pros: Cute, fun if it’s the first time you’ve played it, does incorporate math and reasoning skills for teaching kids.

Cons: Replay value is almost nil, you want to punch Dr. Quandary in the face often, childhood scars if you can’t beat the puzzles.

The Secret Island of Dr. Quandary | Revenge | Puzzles

Game: Charlie Chaplin

Year: 1988

Publisher: US Gold

Let’s get one thing straight - I love Charlie Chaplin. His Little Tramp warms my heart so much that I’m pretty sure I would probably be making babies with him right now if I could.

…Not after playing this game though. If he was still alive, I’d murder him.

The Script

I have to say, the idea of this game is actually kind of cute. You have to film movies starring Charlie Chaplin, edit them, screen them and then hopefully make some money off of them. It all sounds pretty good.

Well, you pick the script, sign the last page that you’re going to film it and start shooting your scenes. Don’t worry, every film has 3 scenes - you’re not going to be filming the “Titanic” of silent films. Every scene consists Charlie and 2 people or 1 person and a dog - all of which were very clearly hired to punch, kick, jump on and knock you over. To counter this, as Charlie, you are able to punch, kick and occasionally kiss the people or dog to hit them first.
This gets irritating really, REALLY fast as you repeated get knocked on your ass as you frantically try to kick your “co-stars”.

I’m pretty sure they make  Charlie a half a step above being functionally retarded because out of about 25 times of hitting “5″ to kick, I land one. It’s as if Charlie has no legs at all and I know that he does, because I am controlling them!.

Anyway,  you make it through the scene and you can now edit the scene. I’ll admit, I have no idea what you are supposed to do here. You can speed it up, or slow it down and stop it. There is no right or wrong way, and no instructions. You’re on your own here, kid.

I'M KICKING YOU WITH MY POWERFUL LEGS!

After you “edit” all your scenes, by just haphazardly choosing speeds, you get to screen the movie. This is kinda okay. You get to watch your little film and see the audience watching it. I wanted so badly for people to get up and walk out, however I don’t think they do. Although the game does blatantly put those two big “EXIT” doors to scare you.

After you have your screening, you’ll get some reviews of your own on the front page of the newspaper.

I can’t tell you what to do right, because I never got a good result. In fact, I think it’s almost impossible to. That or the audiences clearly can’t appreciate me falling down and repeatedly kicking nothing - which I think is funny.  I didn’t know they only let the snooty upper-class in my 1920’s Silent Epic.

F You 1920's Siskel & Ebert! You don't know comedy!

Overall analysis: It’s alright for awhile - mostly just to kill some time. Good concept. Chaplin = Cripple-ish. It’s fun to watch the clips of you falling down repeatedly at like, 4x speed. If you’re bored - try it out.

Charlie Chaplin | Movie Games | Legs

Hey there Friend!

My name is Elena and I know you’re already thinking it - so I’ll answer it now - NO my vagina really isn’t as big as a cavern. It was just a catchy slogan. Sorry to disappoint.

In any case, welcome to this girl’s blog about old DOS games and abandonware!

I love gaming and decided to put my console gaming on hold for a few hours a week and play games that almost everyone has forgotten about. I will tell you that I am an rabid fan of old point & click Sierra and Lucasarts games, but since I’m keeping it to DOS and Abandonware - I’ll try to keep those games out of the picture except if I get fed up with DOSBox…which I do often.

I’ll be putting my two cents on all these games that I’m playing without any sugar-coating. If I hate them, believe me you’ll know it.

I’ll also put up some screenshots of the games so you get to see what I see, and all the information I can get about the game.

Feel free to add your own comments on the posts, or send ‘em right to me at elena@8bitchick.com

Thanks!

Abandonware | Chick | Game Review Blog